Lake Louise Church of the Nazarene

My mom, Manya. I call her, "Momya."

Someone once said, “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife…my mother.” Mother’s Day is the official “spoil your mom day.” We wax poetic about how great mom is, was, or could be. We buy sappy cards with interesting poetry, and take her to dinner to tell her how much we love our mom. Thanks goodness it’s only one day a year.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother. I love my daughter’s mother. I even love my wife’s mother. That doesn’t mean that I have always been kind to my mom. There were times that I was way less than kind and loving to her.

I have caused her intense pain. I made her cry. Evidently, giving birth is really difficult and painful stuff. I mean, I don’t remember going through the birth canal (Thank you, God!) but I do remember seeing what our adorable daughter did to my wife’s sweet disposition. Also, giving birth is not all that pretty. In fact, I have been told of a time when men weren’t allowed into the delivery room. After watching the birth of my daughter, I can’t say that keeping men out wasn’t such a bad idea. Nevertheless, here we are, more enlightened and in touch with our experiential knowledge of childbirth. I digress.

What amazes me about childbirth, and all the festivities that are associated with it, is that women will go through it again. I have two sisters that were born after me. I don’t imagine that it gets any easier after the first one. In “Cheaper by the Dozen,” Bonnie Hunt’s character, Kate Baker, has 12 children. She is being interviewed by Regis and Kelly. Kelly asks, “Did you have them conventionally?” To which Kate replies, “Well, uh, after the sixth one, they just kind of walked out.” I’m not sure, but I think all babies come by force and difficulty.

Not only did I cause my mother pain in childbirth, but I was no walk in the park as a child: I got sick, hurt, was grumpy, picky, mean, and stubborn. More than once I am sure my mom tried to sell me to the Gypsies. I you are a Gypsy and you are reading this, I am past my prime so the offer, I hope, is void. Raising children is hard, heart-breaking work.

So what does Mother’s Day have to do with God? I am so glad that you asked. One day, when I was feeling particularly sad about how I treated my mom (hence, why I am glad Mother’s Day is once a year), I apologized for my horrible behavior through the years. She looked at me and, with all seriousness, said, “You were a delight.” I know I wasn’t a delight, but she was serious.

Mom’s teach us a lot about God, I think. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul writes about love. “Love keeps no record of wrongs” (verse 5). A mother’s love is a forgiving love, a patient love, a hopeful love, a long-suffering love. I’ve treated God no differently than I have my mom. I have caused God pain. I have not always listened to God’s wisdom and gone my own way, which caused us both pain. But, through it all God continues to speak wonderful words of affirmation and love. I think when I see God face to face and share all of my shortcomings; I will hear God say, “David, you were a delight.”

Happy Mother’s Day!

Dave is the pastor of Lake Louise Church. You can reach him at pastor@llcn.org or 248-236-5141

I officiated at a funeral last week. It was a tragedy all around. A young woman, 20, commited suicide. She happened to be a lesbian. One of the triggers for her was a betrayal by her girlfriend. It was too much and this young woman made a bad choice to end her life. 

At the funeral, a friend of the family said something to that effect. After the service another young lady got after me about how I shouldn’t blame homosexuality for the suicide. Nothing like that was said. But, I believe that was what she was expecting. There has been a long history of the churches dim view of suicide and homosexuality. So, this young lady was loaded for bear. She was ready to hear condemnation and wrath. She got was she was looking for, I guess. 

 You don’t have to be a lesbian to hear things that aren’t there. You could be divorced, had an abortion, stolen something, or lied. If you are looking for a judgmental or angry God you will find it even in the midst of love. Recognizing that we all have filters on the way we hear things will help in hearing what is really being said. Asking questions, like this young lady did, will help clarify the meaning of things. Then, we can all move forward to hearing with new ears.

What are you looking for when you are talking to people or going to church? Are you looking for grace, hope, and mercy? Or are you looking for condemnation, guilt, and shame?

Philip told Nathanael that he found the one they were looking for. What are you looking for?

My wife and I just celebrated our 25^th wedding anniversary with a trip to Traverse City. It was the annual Cherry Festival and we participated in one of my favorite pastimes – people watching. There were all sorts of people walking up and down the streets. There were kids on skateboards, folks riding motorcycles, people on scooters, and some funky golf cart looking things. People were walking up and down the streets until late at night. But one thing stood out to me as we watched all of the people enjoying the festival; there were a lot of kids holding their parents hands.

I know it sounds silly, but my daughter is 20 and doesn’t hold my hand anymore. I remember walking down the street with her little hand in mine. I remember picking her up and carrying her when she was too tired to walk anymore. I remember her sitting on my lap and me reading a story to her. I remembered all of those times while I watched these moms and dads with their sons and daughters.

I don’t know when Lindsay stopped holding my hand. I miss her reaching out and taking my hand when she wanted to show me something she had found. I miss her taking my hand when she was nervous in a crowd. I don’t know when she stopped holding my hand; I do know that I miss it.

Let’s be honest. Our children will grow up. They will get older and they will become more and more independent. That is how it works. That is the way it is supposed to work at least. But sometimes with that independence comes an uncomfortable distance. I know from my experience I don’t call my mom and dad as much as I should. What makes me think that my mom and dad miss me hold their hands any less than I miss holding my daughters hand? I know I have grown up. Now, instead of running to my dad when I am scared, I am the one that must put on a brave face and tell my daughter everything is going to be okay. Actually, she doesn’t even need me for that much anymore. I sure miss those days.

That got me thinking about God. When I first became a Christian, God was so close. I ran to God for every little thing. I ran to God with every decision, every question, and every worry or doubt. As I grew up I started to understand more of what God liked and didn’t like. I was better able to make decisions based on what I was learning from God. I was growing up. And I think that is okay. We are supposed to grow up and mature. We are supposed to be able to make decisions based on what we have learned and are learning. This is the way it is supposed to be. Eventually I let go of God’s hand. But with that came an uncomfortable distance. I didn’t talk to God much. I didn’t spend much time with God at all.

Maybe that’s you. You used to be really close to God and walked hand in hand with God every day. Maybe something happened in your life that hurt you and in anger you lashed out at God and stopped talking. Maybe you just grew up and let the relationship slip to the sidelines of your life. I don’t know when you stopped holding God’s hand, but I know God misses it.

Wherever you are, whatever you have done, no matter how far you feel you are from God, there is a hand waiting to be held. Reconnect with God this week. Reach out and remember what it is like to be loved and have joy. You might just want to pray a little prayer and get caught up with God on what’s happening in your life. Love is waiting to be held if you will just reach out your hand and let love’s firm grasp find you. While you’re at it, if your parents are still around, give them a call. It will make their day and yours. I promise.

I am not interested in a timid life. I do not want to die with more left to give because I was afraid of trying, of getting hurt, of losing. I want every moment spent on life and living, not fear. I would rather fail in great ways than not try at all. I would rather be laughed at for trying than to sit on the sidelines wishing for the courage to try.

I want to know the pain of a broken heart because that will mean that I loved much and loved deeply. I do not want to be afraid of love just because it hurts when it is lost. I want to love so deeply that it feels like a truck has been dropped on my chest. Because that kind of sorrow is only found in the deepest, most intimate of relationships. If avoiding sorrow would cheat me of that kind of love, I will not do it.

When I die I want to know that there was nothing held back, nothing left to give, and no reserve. I want to be totally spent in living my life to the fullest capacity God has given me, and when I see Jesus, he will say, “You look tired. Well done!”

I was talking to a friend the other day. She was telling me that she can’t always make it to church on Sundays because of work. Then, when she runs into people from church, she feels judged by them. They say nice enough stuff. They say they missed her at church. There isn’t anything so bad about that, is there? It is nice to be missed. It is nice to have people notice you weren’t some place they hoped to see you. 

So what is bothering her? Maybe it is the tone these folks use. Maybe it is something else. It could that the comments have a bit of a dig to them. You know what I am talking about, right? There is something in the way these folks say the words that let us know if they are being sincere or sarcastic. It lets us know if they are being concerned or judgmental. It isn’t the words, it’s the inflection they put on the words.

            Besides, I think many people that miss church actually want to be at church. There was no problem, no emergency that kept them from coming. They aren’t secretly sacrificing small animals to some ancient Babylonian god. They had to work. They were up all night and didn’t feel well. There are any number of reasons people don’t come to church. Believe me, subtle sarcasm or disapproval doesn’t help get people motivated to come to church.

Maybe, just maybe, the next time you run into someone you haven’t seen at church in a while, just smile and tell them you are glad to see them. If you are a hugger, and they are okay with hugging, give ‘em a hug. Just give them the love you missed giving them on Sunday. Ask them about their lives. Ask them how they have been. Be interested, but not nosey.  

It doesn’t matter that they were not at church. Just love them. Be glad to see them. I am pretty sure you will see a much happier recipient than if you use the other method.

     Love is not for sissies. I was sitting with my uncle in his den. His wife of 65 years had just died. He was, and is, in a lot of emotional pain. A darkness has fallen in his world that seems to defy any glimmer of light. Love is not for sissies, because when you lose it, it hurts – a lot. It takes courage to love.

     Because the pain of losing love is so great, we may be tempted to protect ourselves from it. While life without love may be free of pain, it is also a life free from living. Life without love is cold and gray. A life that risks nothing ultimately gains nothing. It is not really life. It is some cold facsimile of life. It is no more than a statute or portrait of something real.

     Maybe that is what evangelism is so cold and static these days. If I were to love my enemies, to wish the best for them and pray that they find peace and happiness in their lives, I risk so much pain when they choose another path. Caring about someone’s life that does not care about his or her own life is frustrating. It opens us to so many disappointments. It can crush our emotions.

     It is gut wrenching to care about someone’s eternal soul. Caring, loving, healing and helping people all take their toll in our lives because we risk rejection. To see someone throw their life away on drugs, alcohol or cheap sex is horrifying. Moreover, when we try to help, we risk people questioning our motives. We risk pain while trying to ease someone else’s pain. Love is not for sissies.

     When Jesus said that he had come to give us an abundant life, we need to understand all that entails. An abundant life involves just as much pain as it does pleasure. It involves as much losing as gaining. It involves sorrow as much as joy. An abundant life may seem to require a lot, but it offers so much in the living.

     When love prevails…there is no greater joy, no greater satisfaction. We experience a joy that overshadows the deepest sorrow. It brings a peace when all we knew was chaos. When love prevails, we have strength to face another day. We know that the mountain can move and love can succeed. The benefits of a prevailing love far outweigh the losses. Love is not for sissies.
     
Jesus risked everything for us. He risked rejection for the hope of a real relationship with us. His love for us cost him everything. He mourned for Jerusalem’s rejection. He was devastated when many of his disciples left him. He even wondered if his small band would leave him like everyone else. Christ’s love for us caused him much pain and sorrow.

     When Jesus rose from the grave, we saw true love prevail. We saw the end of death and the beginning of real life. We can finally understand that while we will have trouble in this world, Jesus has overcome the world. We finally understand that while love risks great disappointment and pain, it promises great joy and pleasure.
     Thankfully, Jesus was not a sissy.

Dave

It happened while I was driving to the Detroit Science Center with my wife and daughter. We started talking about dating and marriage and all of that kind of stuff. Then, in a fit of parental passion, I felt like I needed to offer some wise advice about marriage. I looked in the rearview mirror and said, “Honey, I just don’t want you to settle.” And, just as quickly, unable to stop the realized truth of that statement, said, “like your mother did.”

It was true. I was no prize when Ruth met me. I had no direction, no aspirations, no dreams and no real job. It was so bad that when we got married, I believe some of my friends were selling squares for how long my marriage would last. None would have put the marriage’s success at longer than a year. It was not a good choice for her to marry me. Some may have called it faith. I think most thought it was crazy.

My greatest concern was that people would judge Ruth for being with me and think she was a bimbo. I wanted to be judged by my being with her. I wanted them to see how sharp Ruth was and think there must be more to me than meets the eye.

Anyway, as I blurted out those self-actualized words to my daughter, I realized that love is not some tame kind of thing. It is a wildly optimistic and totally insane kind of thing. My wife must have been crazy to say yes to me. Seriously, people can tell you all sorts of harsh things about marriage and your chances of success in this world and it means nothing. Because you are in love, you believe you can conqueror any foe and vanquish any villain. Nothing, absolutely nothing, will stand in the way of the power of your love. Love is crazy.

During pre-marriage counseling, I try to warn young lovers of the scary things they will encounter in marriage. I tell them all about the potential pitfalls that lay ahead. I give them things to think about and ways to communicate for the difficult times. Nevertheless, in the end, they stare lovingly at each other and blankly at me. So, I have to trust the vows.

Because the crazy optimism of love defies logic, reason and experience, we have these things called vows. Vows are like the restraints that slam down on you when you get in a roller coaster. The ride may be scary and bounce you around a bit. You may even get so scared that you want to get out of the ride – while it is moving – at sixty miles per hour – 400 feet in the air – at night! Yep, it can be so scary that you would be willing to throw yourself out of a moving vehicle.

The vows encase you so you do not do something you will regret for the rest of your life. The vows protect your optimism during the days in life where you would swear that you have never, ever seen the sun shine.  Whoever wrote the vows must have known about the craziness of love.

When my daughter falls in love and decides to run headlong into marriage, I pray that she never thinks her marriage will fail. I pray that she does not listen to the negative people that think marriage is an old-fashioned notion, unimportant or disposable. I pray that she thinks it is worth protecting. I pray that she and her husband believe with absolute certainty that they can face whatever life throws at them and be victorious because they are in love. Moreover, in the weak and painful moments, I pray that the vows keep them safe.

The human body is cool. It’s amazing how all of the organs and systems work together. All you have to do is go to the Detroit Science Center and see “Our Bodies: The Universe Within” and you will be convinced. Each system and organ has a function. All of the systems depend upon each other. Everything organ counts on every other organ to function properly. Except the appendix, it is useful in a book, but evidently not in the body. But even the appendix can affect the whole body when it is acting up. We recognize these things in our human bodies. How many of us have stubbed our toe and it ruined our whole day. It affected the way we walk and enjoy the day. And that is just a toe. Yes, the human body is truly amazing.

Properly functioning bodies are able to do all that we need them to do. Sick bodies are often limited. There is less freedom of movement and lots of pain. Sometimes there is a disease or sickness that affects the body but it is not seen until it is too late. That is why we need to go to our physician and get regular check ups. I can almost hear that annoying commercial asking me what kind of doctor I have.

 The church is the body of Christ. No, I did not say that my church is the body of Christ. And I did not say that your church is the body of Christ. We all are the body of Christ. Some of us are neat parts of the body and others of us are, well, not so cool. But, we each need each other. The Body of Christ needs all of the parts of the body.

That is why I wonder why we are so separate from each other. When that happens, the people in our community don’t see a unified body. They see a bunch of churches fighting for their own turf and not even hanging out with each other. This is kind of like what I have discovered about brains. They are cool when you can’t see them. They are gross laid out on a platter separate from the body. In fact, in my humble opinion, all internal organs should stay that way – internal. When we move around thinking we are independent of everyone else, we are like a brain without a body. Yuck!

The point I am trying to make is that all of the churches need to get together and share the love of Christ. If we go around beating each other up, or ignoring each other, people will not see true love. They will see a bunch of people that care more about being right than being loving. Harsh, I know. Is it fair? I think so.

It shouldn’t even be about being right. For example, the human heart pumps blood. The liver filters blood. And the hip bone is connected to the thigh bone. These are obvious things. The heart does something completely different from the liver. And I am not too sure that the liver thinks the heart is wrong because it is not a liver. Why can’t we figure something out based on what Paul is talking about in 1 Corinthians 12? Jesus said we would be known by our love for each other. Even Paul says love is the more excellent way. It is about love and communion with Christ.

We are the instrument that God has chosen to share the Good News about God from God. We are a symbol of hope and promise. We are supposed to be salt and light. Will you join me and other churches as we seek to make the love of God real in this life? You can be an appendix, but where’s the fun in that?

I just finished watching a couple of videos online. They were from an evangelist that uses evidence to prove beyond a doubt God’s existence. Which, as one blog wrote, negates faith. This debate was between two atheists and these two Christians. It was a horror show.

I used to like to argue with atheists. There are lots of books in my library to prove it. Now, not so much. Why? It all comes down to love. I had to decide whether I was going to argue with people or love them like Jesus did.

By focusing on love, this evangelist would say that I am representing only a part of the Gospel. He would say that I am focused too much on God’s love and not enough on God’s judgment. You can look up the video and tell me if you think the argument route is more convincing than love.

Yes, I know that love is a dynamic concept. I realize that sometimes love hurts. I get it…honest. It killed Jesus.

Jesus said that we would be know by our love for each other. We are to love people as Jesus loved us. We are to be imitators of Christ. What would happen if we witnessed to people by living the love of Christ, even atheists? What if we let the Holy Spirit do the Spirit’s job and we love God and love our neighbor as we love ourselves?

We could argue with atheists, but is that the best use of our time? I know the Bible says to be prepared to give a reason for our hope in Jesus. It also says it is to be done with gentleness and respect.

So, whether it is a mind-numbing banana defense or using the Ten Commandments, I think I will stick with feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick, imprisoned, and giving a drink to the thirsty. Simple, yes…and powerful.

Love…the anti-argument.

What does being Christian mean? How do we live the Christian life?

Some people might say that we obey the rules. Others may say that we are to separate ourselves from sin. Still others might say that being a Christian entails total commitment. These may have a place, but is this what Christianity is all about?

I know I have practiced each of these at times in my past. But what is the mark of the Christian life? Jesus said it is love. In fact, we cannot love God if we are not loving others.

We are being Christian when we love each other and the world as Christ Jesus loves the world. This love life seeks the best for the people with whom we come in contact. It brings wholeness and beauty.

So how do you understand love? How do you love those around you? What are your biggest challenges with loving others?

Let’s get the conversation started.

Dave G