Crazy Love and Roller Coasters
It happened while I was driving to the Detroit Science Center with my wife and daughter. We started talking about dating and marriage and all of that kind of stuff. Then, in a fit of parental passion, I felt like I needed to offer some wise advice about marriage. I looked in the rearview mirror and said, “Honey, I just don’t want you to settle.” And, just as quickly, unable to stop the realized truth of that statement, said, “like your mother did.”
It was true. I was no prize when Ruth met me. I had no direction, no aspirations, no dreams and no real job. It was so bad that when we got married, I believe some of my friends were selling squares for how long my marriage would last. None would have put the marriage’s success at longer than a year. It was not a good choice for her to marry me. Some may have called it faith. I think most thought it was crazy.
My greatest concern was that people would judge Ruth for being with me and think she was a bimbo. I wanted to be judged by my being with her. I wanted them to see how sharp Ruth was and think there must be more to me than meets the eye.
Anyway, as I blurted out those self-actualized words to my daughter, I realized that love is not some tame kind of thing. It is a wildly optimistic and totally insane kind of thing. My wife must have been crazy to say yes to me. Seriously, people can tell you all sorts of harsh things about marriage and your chances of success in this world and it means nothing. Because you are in love, you believe you can conqueror any foe and vanquish any villain. Nothing, absolutely nothing, will stand in the way of the power of your love. Love is crazy.
During pre-marriage counseling, I try to warn young lovers of the scary things they will encounter in marriage. I tell them all about the potential pitfalls that lay ahead. I give them things to think about and ways to communicate for the difficult times. Nevertheless, in the end, they stare lovingly at each other and blankly at me. So, I have to trust the vows.
Because the crazy optimism of love defies logic, reason and experience, we have these things called vows. Vows are like the restraints that slam down on you when you get in a roller coaster. The ride may be scary and bounce you around a bit. You may even get so scared that you want to get out of the ride – while it is moving – at sixty miles per hour – 400 feet in the air – at night! Yep, it can be so scary that you would be willing to throw yourself out of a moving vehicle.
The vows encase you so you do not do something you will regret for the rest of your life. The vows protect your optimism during the days in life where you would swear that you have never, ever seen the sun shine. Whoever wrote the vows must have known about the craziness of love.
When my daughter falls in love and decides to run headlong into marriage, I pray that she never thinks her marriage will fail. I pray that she does not listen to the negative people that think marriage is an old-fashioned notion, unimportant or disposable. I pray that she thinks it is worth protecting. I pray that she and her husband believe with absolute certainty that they can face whatever life throws at them and be victorious because they are in love. Moreover, in the weak and painful moments, I pray that the vows keep them safe.