Hey, I didn’t see you at church…and other things we say.
I was talking to a friend the other day. She was telling me that she can’t always make it to church on Sundays because of work. Then, when she runs into people from church, she feels judged by them. They say nice enough stuff. They say they missed her at church. There isn’t anything so bad about that, is there? It is nice to be missed. It is nice to have people notice you weren’t some place they hoped to see you.
So what is bothering her? Maybe it is the tone these folks use. Maybe it is something else. It could that the comments have a bit of a dig to them. You know what I am talking about, right? There is something in the way these folks say the words that let us know if they are being sincere or sarcastic. It lets us know if they are being concerned or judgmental. It isn’t the words, it’s the inflection they put on the words.
Besides, I think many people that miss church actually want to be at church. There was no problem, no emergency that kept them from coming. They aren’t secretly sacrificing small animals to some ancient Babylonian god. They had to work. They were up all night and didn’t feel well. There are any number of reasons people don’t come to church. Believe me, subtle sarcasm or disapproval doesn’t help get people motivated to come to church.
Maybe, just maybe, the next time you run into someone you haven’t seen at church in a while, just smile and tell them you are glad to see them. If you are a hugger, and they are okay with hugging, give ‘em a hug. Just give them the love you missed giving them on Sunday. Ask them about their lives. Ask them how they have been. Be interested, but not nosey.
It doesn’t matter that they were not at church. Just love them. Be glad to see them. I am pretty sure you will see a much happier recipient than if you use the other method.